Supernanny in Somalia: putting protesters in the naughty corner

As Muslim crowds, angered by Papal intimations that Islam encourages violence, continue to burn Papal effigies and call for the Pope to be killed, the United Nations has enacted a special emergency plan formulated in the aftermath of the War of the Danish Cartoons.

Under the plan, Jo Frost, known to TV audiences worldwide as the “Supernanny“, would be air-dropped into the various hot spots to deal with angry Muslim protesters. By deploying similar techniques to those she has used to impressive effect on angry toddlers, it is hoped she will be able to contain angry mobs of protesters.

The plan was activated in recent days when a Somali sheikh declared that the Pope had to be killed as a matter of urgency. Jo Frost found herself being air dropped by Blackhawk helicopter into the middle of Mogadishu as angry protesters swarmed around a burning effigy of Pope Benedict constructed out of old UN food sacks and rubber tyres.

“There I was, surrounded by lots of angry, screaming protesters,” she said. “They were chanting ‘Kill the Pope’, were burning effigies and were being very naughty indeed.”

“After assessing the situation, I put my hand up and yelled, ’stop’. The crowd seemed surprised, so I ordered them to go straight away into the naughty corner which the UN peacekeepers had helpfully cornered off.”

“We let them cry for a bit. They were calling me all sorts of nasty names. Jewess, Islamophobe, imperialist, colonialist, neo-con … They wanted to get out, but I told them to remain. We don’t want to reward bad behaviour, do we?”

“These were very naughty protesters and even the naughty corner and a few hours of controlled crying wasn’t helping address the situation,” Frost told Satirical Muslim. “But it was upsetting everyone to hear them calling for the Pope’s head, so I needed to deploy one technique that you wouldn’t have seen on my television program.”

That technique is what Frost calls The Ike Turner Slap.

We agreed not to report the full details of the technique as it will be featured in Frost’s new book, Se7en Ways to Control a Wicked Child (due out in time for Christmas). Within moments however, Frost had slapped the protesters into submission and instructed them to play “Happy Feet” and walk home peacefully.

Seconds later, Frost received an urgent call to attend to a problem in London. “Some naughty boys in London are playing up again. They are trying to get attention,” Frost smiled as she climbed into her helicopter.