Federal Government: eating pork builds national identity

As part of their program of promoting Australian values, a government taskforce has called on Muslims to reconsider their 1,400 year old ban on eating pork. “Pork nowadays is very clean,” a spokesman told Satirical Muslim today. “In the old days, it was a very dirty animal but now they keep them in special farms and feed them special food.”

The federal government has committed $60,000 to produce a pamphlet, entitled “Let’s Talk About Pork” and will be distributing it to the nation’s mosques and Islamic schools in time for the end of Ramadan.

“Like all societies, food is a major part of our national identity,” treasurer Peter Costello said today. “And if an Australian isn’t eating pork, he is really missing out on what is a major part of being Australian.”

“It’s like an American that doesn’t eat burgers. A Chinaman that doesn’t eat rice. One of those South Americans that isn’t wearing a poncho and a bowler hat. Or like a Frenchman that doesn’t just surrender.”

The pamphlet will also be accompanied by a national television campaign. The “Isn’t it time that you tried swine?” campaign will feature prominent Australians speaking about the value of pig meat to national identity. Satirical Muslim can confirm that one advertisement features former Australian Idol star, Anthony Callea singing, “Don’t be a dork. It’s time for pork”.

One verse reads:

You’ve saved and saved, you’ve planned and planned,
To move you and your family to our fair land,
But before you arrive, we need to talk,
Don’t bother coming, if you won’t eat pork.

Some Muslim leaders have questioned whether eating pork can ever be allowed under shariah law. However, a government spokesman has noted that this is also an opinion shared by Osama Bin Laden, the Taliban and the 9/11 hijackers.