New Militant Group: We will free Muslim women from themselves

Al-Jazeerah has broadcast a message last night from a militant group identifying itself as The Popular Front for the Liberation of Muslim Women (PFLMW). Calling for Muslim women to be freed from wearing hijab and dressing conservatively, a spokesman for the group has denounced Western governments for not passing laws illegalising the wearing of the hijab.

“For too long, Muslim women have been denied a voice,” the spokesman warns whilst speaking from an unidentified inner-suburban cafe hideway. “Praise be to the secular nostrums of radical feminism, we have arrived to speak for them.”

“Right now there are millions of Muslim women chafing under the oppressive jackboot of liberty-loving regimes that promote freedom of dress and religion. But, we say, this is a false freedom and a perfidious lie often propagated by the women themselves.”

“Some people falsely assume that what Muslim women want is to look like Muslim women,” the spokesman said. “And maybe that is true but this isn’t about what they think, this is about what we think is best for them. And what is best is for them to listen to us.”

Waving what appeared to be a tattered copy of Jean Sasson’s Princess, the spokesman warned that there would be dire consequences if his demands were not met. “We will assail the opinion pages of your newspapers from left and right. We will call talkback radio. We will even write blogs. As long as a single Muslim woman remains subjugated by her own personal choice, you will never know peace. If the revolution of the last forty years means anything, it means the objectification of women.”

Intelligence agencies are taking the tape seriously and are currently analysing it to identify the possible location of the group. “Although the tape is quite grainy,” a spokesman for the Australian Federal Police said today. “We believe that the colour of the man’s cafe latte, the copy of the Daily Telegraph sitting on the table and a man resembling Piers Akerman nodding sagely in the background may offer some clues as to their location.”