Celebs reveal secret to weight loss: Islam
Posted by the satirist on October 17, 2006
Pop star Madonna has finally spoken out about her recent weight loss, explaining that the secret to her success is the “Ramadan Diet”.
“Muslims are currently observing the holy month of Ramadan, and since I like to pick and mix, I decided to adopt their diet,” she said.
Madonna, who practises Kabbalah, an offshoot of Judaism, said that she’s tried Catholicism as well, so it was time to inject some Islam into her “diet”.
“The whole Jesus and a cross to bear thing has been really good for me in terms of my stage shows and video clips. And the Kabbalah thing has also been really amazing because I wear a wristband and I seem more serious now,” she explained.
“But I thought fasting may be a good exercise in restraint and also facilitate weight loss – so long as I don’t have too many carbs after sunset. I don’t want to become a porker, especially because my latest stage show sees me wearing a lot of kitsch leotards.”
Madonna says she doesn’t eat or drink during the hours from dawn until sunset, at which time she breaks her fast with a bottle of designer water and a healthy kosher dinner.
Following Madonna’s revelation, other celebs have confessed to experimenting with the Ramadan diet, although the issues with it are obvious for many. Nicole Kidman said the problem was that it still involved eating at some point of the day, while Ozzy Osbourne lamented being unable to brush his “%$^*ing teeth”.
Even models have taken to the diet, marvelling at the benefits of the detoxification aspect of it, although it is still not ideal for those strutting their stuff on the runways of Paris. “I think it’s difficult only being able to do it once a year, and only for a month. I prefer to fast all day, every day,” said recently reformed model Kate Moss.
The publicity juggernaut is certainly bringing the diet into the mainstream. A Current Affair offered its take on the diet taking Hollywood by storm, touting it as a wonder diet that will change lives forever. Featuring handy tips and ways to get started in a segment on last night’s show, ACA also featured a story on Muslim shopkeepers who refused to sell SPAM. The producer said he saw the benefit in the Ramadan diet and sought to espouse the virtue of eating like Muslims during Ramadan, just as long as people didn’t act like them.
Meanwhile Madonna plans to release a book about her dieting experience, tentatively titled Time for something new: Eating like a Muslim.
