Controversy hits interfaith network

The Australian interfaith community is reeling from Muslim comments at a recent interfaith gathering held in Sydney, NSW.

The gathering was hosted by the Inter-Denominational Interfaith Organisational Taskforce (IDIOT), a prominent organisation devoted to, “building spiritual bridges of eccumenical understanding between different faith traditions as a means of disempowering the demonisation of The Other.” Members of the Muslim, Jewish and Christian community were in attendance, as were representatives from federal and state governments.

Mel Gibson offers support to MCRG chairperson

Mel Gibson has taken time out of alcohol rehab in Los Angeles to voice support for the chairman of the Prime Minister’s Muslim Community Reference Group (MCRG) Dr Ameer Ali.

Ali has come under intense criticism for recent comments reported in The Australian newspaper about the allegedly ‘flawed character’ of the Prophet Muhammad and the need for a radical reinterpretation of the Qu’ran.

Minneapolis’ Taxi Drivers Threaten Us All

The news that some of Minneapolis’ Muslim taxi drivers have refused to carry passengers carrying alcohol has been met by a relatively muted response from the media. This has drawn criticism from some Australian politicians that have charged some sections of the press with ‘capitulating’ to Muslim taxi drivers in the US state.

“What influence do these taxi drivers have over the Australian media that they have stopped them from seeing what is really going on? The refusal of some taxi drivers in one part of America to carry alcohol is an event as significant to the Australian Way of Life as the murder of Archduke Ferdinand was to the Austro-Hungarian empire,” said an obviously angry Foreign Minister Downer today.

John Howard: “They’re not heavy, they’re my (exclusive) brethren”

They don’t allow entertainment, read novels, eat with infidels, attend university, allow membership of secular organisations, allow the wearing of shorts, watch films, listen to the radio, watch television or allow the use of mobile phones. Their women cover their hair, dress conservatively and only marry within the faith. They are opposed to homosexuality and environmentalism. They are isolationists that view other Australians as being corrupt. Their critics charge them with undermining democracy by funding covert smear campaigns.

Despite that, the Prime Minister John Howard has come out in defence of the Exclusive Brethren and their right to practice their faith.

Long running feuds to be settled, Bert-style

This week Channel Nine will air the first ever episode of Family Feud featuring a Muslim family. Simply known as the “Muslims”, producers at the network say they were impressed with the angle the Muslims provided to the ailing show, so much so that they are planning to create a new version tentatively titled Muzzie Family Feud.

“We found that a lot of the answers they gave related to marriage. So if the question related to picnics, the answers would be things like, couples, married couples, engagement barbecue and so on. It was kind of unusual at first, and Bert [Newton] was a bit confused. But soon enough Bert was cracking jokes about arranged marriages and all was well.”

Community Idol: idol mania to hit suburbia

The Federal Government has unveiled its latest strategy in building cultural harmony and understanding in Australia. The tentatively titled “Oz Community Idol” will see different ethnic communities pitted against each other in fierce competition and filmed for a reality television show, funded by the taxpayers.

“We have all communities acknowledging the importance of integration and acceptance of Aussie values, and they all claim to be carrying it out,” the Prime Minister John Howard said. “But this is simply not the case, and I think this competition will only confirm these suspicions. And the well-behaved communities will have their moments in the spotlight.”

Bush: Hunt for Bin Laden must not be distracted by his reported death

The US President George Bush has lashed out at the media over news that Osama Bin Laden has died. “Those journalists and media outlets that are irresponsibily reporting the death of Bin Laden are only helping the enemy,” the President told a press conference earlier today.

When asked if he was concerned by reports of the alleged terrorist mastermind’s death, the President became agitated.

“Of course, I’m concerned. You can’t have a war against evildoers unless there are evildoers doin’ evil,” the President warned. “If Bin Laden’s dead then that’s a serious setback for the War on Terror. And our enemies know that.”

Exclusive: Proposed citizenship test for migrants!

Following the Government’s proposal to increase the waiting period for immigrants to obtain citizenship and sit for an English test and quiz, Satirical Muslim is pleased to announce that it has secured exclusive access to the proposed citizenship test.

Test your Aussieness!

DOWNLOAD PROPOSED CITIZENSHIP TEST

Treasurer highlights plight of adult ADHD sufferers

While former Victorian premier Jeff Kennett may have adopted the cause of depressed people through his Beyond Blue foundation, Peter Costello has adopted the plight of adult sufferers of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Costello used an address to a Christian lobby group in Canberra today to provide an example as to how this crippling illness can affect people from all walks of life. Even, it seems, treasurers of Commonwealth governments.

Supernanny in Somalia: putting protesters in the naughty corner

As Muslim crowds, angered by Papal intimations that Islam encourages violence, continue to burn Papal effigies and call for the Pope to be killed, the United Nations has enacted a special emergency plan formulated in the aftermath of the War of the Danish Cartoons.

Under the plan, Jo Frost, known to TV audiences worldwide as the “Supernanny“, would be air-dropped into the various hot spots to deal with angry Muslim protesters. By deploying similar techniques to those she has used to impressive effect on angry toddlers, it is hoped she will be able to contain angry mobs of protesters.

The plan was activated in recent days when a Somali sheikh declared that the Pope had to be killed as a matter of urgency. Jo Frost found herself being air dropped by Blackhawk helicopter into the middle of Mogadishu as angry protesters swarmed around a burning effigy of Pope Benedict constructed out of old UN food sacks and rubber tyres.

“There I was, surrounded by lots of angry, screaming protesters,” she said. “They were chanting ‘Kill the Pope’, were burning effigies and were being very naughty indeed.”